Taking the time to make sure it feels right.
I met Jean and Tom in January of this year. Jean had recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's, and they were in the beginning stages of looking to downsize... or so they said. Truth was, Jean had already been looking for a couple of months before her Speech Therapist referred her to Maintain Me. The two bedroom, two bathroom apartment she pictured in her head was seemingly not to be found! I'll admit, I knew the options were limited, but not non-existent! I had found them in the past for clients and I would do it again. Thank Goodness for a few years of experience at my job. I knew I could be helpful for Jean and Tom.
Jean and Tom were independent, but Jean was OVER cooking and preparing meals. It was just too taxing to plan, shop, execute, and clean up! Tom is like many men of his generation, he did not cook, nor was he about to start. I get it!
So we started by looking at Independent Living- pretty straight forward. But then fast forward two months to March of 2020. I don't need to remind anyone of what happened then. Imagine the fear of 'what happens now', when it is already hard to plan for your next meal, let alone the fear of grocery shopping in the midst of everything else.
Unfortunately, even from one phone call to our chat the very next week, the situation was getting worse for them- I could tell in Jean's voice after months of talking frequently. Once again, I had to rely on my experience and suggest that we not look only at independent living, but also consider assisted living. I knew it would further limit our options for that perfect two bedroom, two bathroom, but my instinct told me that Jean likely was needing more care than could safely be provided in Independent Living, and likely, they would face yet another move in the near future. Tom was very clear about his desires,
"I just want my wife to be happy."
So after repeated discussions, and taking a strong stance on the red flags that I was "seeing" ie. both of them losing weight and Jean even having a fall, they agreed to entertain the idea of assisted living. The biggest hang up? The perfect two bedroom, two bath apartment...
I called Jean after a long weekend and months into our process and purposed... what if you each got your own apartment right next door to one another???
And she loved it! We had a breakthrough, and Jean was now actually excited! Although the perfect two apartments were not readily available, we set up a virtual tour, they did a drive by, and Jean finally narrowed the search to a lovely community.
Although the excitement waxed and waned with all the preparation, the paperwork, the fear of change... who wouldn't be nervous. But we kept in regular communication- focusing on the good things coming, not the "bad". I would tell her, just think of it Jean... no more wondering about what to cook for meals, no more wrestling the laundry, or bored days watching the TV she cared little for. Tom could watch his sports and comment on someone else's cooking and she could join in a book club and other activities with new friends.
It is important to focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Jean ultimately did just that! She focused on two perfect spaces, and found them. She wanted a lovely garden, and she has one. She wanted Tom to be able to worry less about her, and he is grateful she has all the support she needs now.
Moving from your house into assisted living is what you make of it. You can make it about a new beginning with less worry, you can make it about new friendships and opportunities to expand your interests, you can make it exciting! When we focus on what we want, instead of what we don't want, we can make our lives better. Even during a pandemic.
Morgan Leigh Jenkins, MA
Transition Director
(303) 847-6861
Morgan@maintain-me.com